“The Take Out Move” is not a movie, at least not in the conventional sense. Instead it is a series of bits filmed against the backdrop of a tissue-paper-thin premise with a tiny cast and a micro budget.

Writer/director Andrew Simonian took 3,500 American dollars to flesh out a short film he made back in the 90s into a nearly feature-length film (clocking in at a lean, mean 74 minutes).

The setup is that two dudes (Jeremy Sless and Nick Grace) are given the same task of asking a woman they’ve never met (Alexandra Miles) out on a date. What follows is sort of like Looney Toons meets a Kevin Smith movie with lots of slapstick and choreographed fight scenes intercut with zippy dialogue filled mostly with lewd sex jokes.

Nothing really makes sense from one scene to the next as the characters’ motivation, relationships and personalities are constantly in flux. It’s quite possibly the most disjointed and incoherent movie I’ve ever seen.

In spite of the fact that I really can’t recommend “The Take Out Move” as a movie in any way, shape or form, there’s actually quite a bit here that I sincerely admire.

First of all, Simonian makes $3,500 look fantastic considering the primary filming locations are the inside of someone’s apartment and someone’s backyard. The three leads are all really good, especially when you consider their limited resumes. They boast some legitimate comedic timing and chemistry.

And props to Sless and Grace and their fighting skills as their many, many fight scenes might be the most believable thing in the movie.

If only there was some semblance of story or character development, we actually have enough here for a pretty decent little film.

Even through “The Take Out Move” is a failure as a movie, it’s a success in proving that a huge budget is not a barrier big enough to prevent talented people from putting their work on film.

“The Take Out Move” is not rated but features adult language, sexual content, mild violence and brief nudity.  

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