I made a vow, somewhere between my sixth in-theater viewing of “Jurassic Park” and its sequel “The Lost World: Jurassic Park,” that as long as they made movies with dinosaurs eating people, I would show up and watch them.
Now, this vow certainly had some conditions, the most important being that the eye-popping special effects remain the same. But even if the overall quality of the movie may decline (and boy howdy, did they) I was in.
The wonder and spectacle of dinosaurs brought to life and let loose in our modern world was enough to excite my inner six year old in a way that no movie(s) ever really have.
Unfortunately, 30 years later, the “Jurassic World” franchise’s diminishing returns had begun to test even my dino-loving patience.
That’s why I am thrilled to report that the slight reboot “Jurassic World: Rebirth” marks a glorious return to mediocrity. It’s serviceable plot and workman-like performances no longer distract from the whole point of why we’re here – to see dinosaurs do cool stuff!
A T-Rex swims after family in an inflatable raft! A pterodactyl snaps at people repelling down a cliff wall! A tiny, adorable dinosaur eats licorice! Fabulous.
Oh, you insist on hearing about the plot. Well naturally, an expedition has to be mounted to a tropical island where dinosaurs roam free. A heartless corporation, represented by Executive Vice President of Treachery Martin Krebs (Rupert Friend), needs samples from dinosaurs to create a miracle drug.
He contracts super-mercenary Zora Bennett (Scarlett Johansson) to assemble a team, which consists of her old, gun-running pal Duncan (Mahershala Ali), exceedingly handsome, dino-hugging scientist Henry (Jonathan Bailey) and various, expendable crew members.
They also pick up a family knocked adrift in their sailboat so we can put some children in danger.
The script by 90s Super Screenwriter David Koepp does a decent job of taking the time to flesh out the human characters so we at least kind of care if and when they might get eaten.
My biggest critique, enough with the mutant dinosaurs. Actual dinosaurs running around is terrifying enough, mutant dinosaurs come off as more goofy than anything else. Play the hits!
“Jurassic World: Rebirth” cleared the low bar of allowing me to fulfill my vow to my teenaged self without feeling ashamed. Mission accomplished.
“Jurassic World: Rebirth” is rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence/action, bloody images, some suggestive references, language and a drug reference.
